Over the years, Michelle Clements, chairman of the board of Synergy Trust Partners, LLC, her family’s private family trust company, has learned a number of lessons about family office leadership. She attributes those lessons largely to trial and error.
“I learned them all by making mistakes,” she says.
She enjoys sharing what she has learned: In addition to serving on advisory boards for industry conferences, Clements designed and led the Family Office Executive Workshop at the University of Denver’s Bailey Program for Family Enterprise. She credits her progress to the trust her family placed in her and to the mentors who guided her along the way.
“You can’t underestimate the importance of trust, communication, and transparency,” she says, “or the willingness to mentor and guide others on this journey.”
One of the most important lessons she learned was the need to be clear about which “hat” she was wearing at any given moment. In one instance, while serving as president of the trust company, she made a comment during a call that reflected her role as a sibling rather than as an executive. Another sibling immediately pointed out the boundary, and Clements realized they were right. The distinction between family member and fiduciary is critical.
She also learned that family harmony does not necessarily require keeping financial assets together. While older generations may equate unity with shared structures, future generations may not share the same philosophy. Even when values align, wealth can complicate relationships, forcing families to consider whether they are prioritizing the financial wealth of the family or the health of the family. In some cases, allowing members to separate financially — if done thoughtfully — can actually strengthen family harmony.
Clements emphasizes the importance of listening beyond what is said aloud. Family conversations often carry unspoken meanings rooted in long-standing dynamics or childhood experiences.
“What’s being said isn’t always what’s meant,” she says. “Understanding the subtext is a critical skill for any family office executive.”
Estate planning is another area where she urges a holistic approach. Although she understood the importance of estate documents professionally, a personal tragedy reinforced the lesson. Her children executed wills as young adults, almost casually. Years later, when her son passed away unexpectedly, having those documents in place — and having power of attorney — made an otherwise devastating situation more manageable.
The experience underscored the importance of estate planning for every adult over 18 and the need to understand how all related documents work together. The same care should be taken when naming guardians for children, ensuring those decisions are thoughtful rather than perfunctory. Clements often recommends involving experienced facilitators to help families navigate these conversations.
Finally, she stresses the importance of clearly communicating the purpose of wealth. When she led the trust company, she encouraged siblings to write letters explaining their intentions for the trusts they created for their children.
“Whatever your intent is, it’s part of the estate plan,” she says. “It’s not just about moving money or minimizing taxes.”
Family harmony, she adds, often depends on something deeper than financial alignment. Having a voice, being heard, and having the freedom to step away from the family system — while preserving the option to return — can be just as important.
Money, she notes, does not create harmony. Choice, respect, and healthy exit ramps often do.